I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
