Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
