Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
