Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
