I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
