Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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