Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sext me about skeletons
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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