A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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