i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
