My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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