I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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