And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
