Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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