don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
