I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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