mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
