Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
