You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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