proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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