I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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