Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
