whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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