saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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