well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
