He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
