I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
