I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
