hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
