I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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