You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
