So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
