youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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