I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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