i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
