She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
