apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
