my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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