Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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