I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's never too late to be topless.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
