Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
