I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
