Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he was CRYING into my vagina
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
