We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
