True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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