As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
