do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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