Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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