I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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