all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
