She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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