he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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