All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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