Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
