Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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