I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
