Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
