now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize