wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
