All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Green mimosas i think yes
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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