worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
