Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
