Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
