I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
