Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
