So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
