It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
