the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I cut my penus on the lid.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
