walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
