You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
