Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
