It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
