Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize