Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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