My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
