Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I love black thongs
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
