If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
