I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize