your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
