Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
