Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
