You work out of a Hotel?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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