So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
