I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We talked him into tasing himself.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
