apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
