I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize