you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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