Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we're making bets on your personal life
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
