Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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