As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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