Where is the hickey?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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