dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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