The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
