I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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