i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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