dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
