Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
