it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
