It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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