I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
