i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
