The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
