Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
