i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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