Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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