She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
