It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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