as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
