I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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