So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
