Where is the hickey?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
