If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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