I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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