I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
