I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
