Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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