take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
