He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
