Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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