I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
