And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
