That's when you crack a 10am beer
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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