Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize