textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
