I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
