you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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